Here!

I saw a post on Facebook today from a recovery centre close to me. It was of Macklemore talking about his recovery. I wanted to like the video on YouTube, so while I was searching it, I found his video Starting Over. I gotta tell ya, I almost cried so hard when I listened to that song. FYI: I am still sober. It has been more than six years since I was drunk or had my last alcoholic drink.

My bio mom passed away over the summer. A lot has changed. I guess one of the reasons I got a tear in my eye when I listened to the song was partly because I thought about my mom. In the beginning, she was so happy about her recovery. The day she sobered up for good was New Years and she was seven years alcohol-free at her passing. Another reason is because of the friend I lost long ago who was a drinker. It has been over ten years now since I saw him last. In fact, I have several friends who did not make it back to starting over. May they rest in peace. A moment of silence...

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Six years does not feel that long when I think about how I feel about my sobriety. I would have to say I am as careful today with it as I was in the beginning. I respect sobriety like a friend I know that could kill me in an instant. Really. Yesterday, I was in the restaurant with my love when he (he's sober too) bought a non-alcoholic malt raspberry drink. It fizzed at the top like a beer, (I think, it's been a long time), and offered me a sip. "Are you sure it doesn't have alcohol in it?" That's me at more than six years sobriety. I am careful.

One thing I do, which I know can be dangerous for my recovery, is I occasionally get mad, angry, livid and sometimes hold grudges for a little while. Strong feeling like this have brought me to the bottle before. Trying to remain sober and happy? Don't hold grudges! Forgive! I know, I know. My adopted mum used to say, "Practice what you preach." Honestly? Yes, I strive to be honest. If I am mad, I don't hide it much. I still have a little bit of a temper. Why did my one sponsor tell me, "You have to be like this, *gestures a straight horizontal line* with your emotions."? I cannot agree with that for myself just yet. I like feelings. I also feel happy, elated, glad, enthusiastic, etc. The list goes on. When I first quit drinking, I used to feel annoyed, angry, sad and depressed. Not much of an array for feelings back then at all.

Today I am not and was not particularly upset about anything. The music video caught me off guard. I get busy with the day to day things. The past, the good, the bad, the ugly, sneaks its way in when I am not expecting it. I realized how much my sobriety means to me, how very important it is, and how much I missed sharing about it here at my blog. No matter what, sobriety remains high priority on my list of items I am truly grateful about. I didn't have much of a life when I was drinking. I didn't have many, or any friends, I was lonely even when I was around a bunch of people. I was totally lost.

Things are different for me now. I enjoy the day to day experiences as much as I can. There are obviously certain things I don't like, radiation, my mom's cancer, sickness, being hurt, being treated badly, ugh, all things I abhor. I do not set my focus on this bad stuff though. I can not. Another thing I cannot do is isolate. I have to keep talking to people. There's no way around it. I also have to share. I also have to donate some of my time and some of my money to others. I cannot just think about myself all the time. 

Over the six sober years, I have figured some answers out. First, and this is what many people ask is "What is your secret of staying sober for such a long time?" Truthfully, I don't pick up. That's the main thing. Spiritually, I pray, I am grateful. Physically, I am conscious of eating better, and exercising. Mentally, I work hard, I do a lot of schoolwork. I have friends, I talk to people, I write pages, I listen to music. My health is important to me. The second most asked question is, "Do you miss drinking?" The answer is a resounding no. I never miss drinking. I did that plenty before. I might still die later on from the after effects, (like cancer). 

I understand that my not drinking today is a daily reprieve. I am grateful that I have never had the urge to drink in at least five years. I don't know exactly when the urge went away but I knew one day it was gone. Otherwise I would have drank. That's the truth. The urge to drink was always what got me going and made me drink again. I also prayed and tried to quit drinking for years before it finally kept for this long.

Thanks for reading.
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While you are here,

Lisa L'Heureux is the author of 7 books. Her work includes the Lisa's Sober Blog Series, This and the Man in the Moon and This One is About Domestic Violence. She lives in Alberta, Canada, with her family.

​More than six years ago, Lisa retired from practicing alcoholism.

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