I actually had a using dream. Sometimes, I worry, because I think that if the obsession was taken away from me then it can easily be given back! Doesn't that sound logic? Regardless! I don't think about that and dwell on it. Picturing my mind as a garden, the thoughts in it as seeds, I can recognize weeds almost as soon as they sprout. I destroy them by nurturing only healthy thoughts.
I never used to do this! Instead, an unhealthy thought could last and grow all day, until I felt terrible by the time I went to sleep. Now, I push aside what I don't want to spend time thinking about. Sometimes it's difficult and takes hours but it is getting easier and this only happens but once in a long while.
It helps me to keep my reasons for living at the head of my days. I long to help others who have great grief and sorrow; These are the people who wake up in the morning and they don't feel like living. Why these? Because that used to be me! I think that there are a lot of people who feel this way and they don't even realize it. The daily grind just gets to be the norm and uninspired people are out there with their nose to it. I would rather go hungry and homeless than to live like that. What is the point of living, after all? Isn't it to help others?
I actually was hungry and homeless before. Anyone can get a hold of a nutshell version of my story, in Lisa's Sober Blog Book 3. My journey has been anything but simple, yet I lived it and here to share it now! What would I tell, if everything had always been sweet daisy's all around? It's weird because, right from being born, the story began. I never told that part yet but I have it typed out and saved in box for when the time is right.
When I do my work, I think about the reader and the one who buys my products. How do I help? I'll tell you this, I used to wake up crying because my life was so miserable. Now, look back to the first paragraph of this article. Do they match? No! I have a friend who used to see me crying and asked me what it was, I said, I didn't want to be alive. Why did I have to live? It hurt to be alive. It brings tears to eyes to think of this terrible all-consuming grief but it's gone now. My friend would say, you don't really feel like that, thoughtfully. Examining my life, nobody could honestly say that I didn't really feel like that. Today, my friend knows that it was true and would never question it. My friend doesn't understand but accepts it, anyway.
I sometimes, on a day like today, lay timidly when I first awaken, listening intently with every fiber of my being to see if, indeed, the grief and sorrow is gone and it was today. For that I can be grateful. I can work diligently with everything I have to keep it at bay. Maybe today will be the day that I bring another over to the land of the living.
Thank you for reading!
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| Lisa L'Heureux |
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