Lisa's Sober: Countdown To Four Years Starts Now!

In sobering up for more than three and a half years I have a range of emotions now that I didn't have before. I'm often happy too and that is much different than when I first started out. There is a certain fear that goes with sobering up, especially when the brain is damaged and the body is quite possibly nearly destroyed. I was afraid that I would not heal. I was afraid that I would always be slow and clumsy. I feared that I would be all alone. I could not know where I would be in a year, if back to the bottle, in the grave or in jail. I wanted to sober up. I wanted to be happy. That's what my last name means, you know, the happy.

I remember that there are times in recovery when life doesn't seem great! This is one of the pitfalls of long-time recovery, I'm sure. I keep in mind that life is great! Today, I am free from the bottle. I do not have to smoke a cigarette. I don't need to pick up a drug and use. I do not need to eat to fill a void. I cannot say that I am whole. I have much healing to do.

It has always been my hope in writing here that others would be freed from addictions as well and that I would find that I was not alone in it. Ever since I quit, I have been acquainted with a small few that are also out there writing, sharing and spreading their hope and joy. That's not to say there are not plenty people out there that have been freed from their addictions! I do not know them.

Yes, if I've said it once then I've said it before. Sobering up was among some of the hardest days of my life. There are still some issues that are not ironed out, so to speak, all better. No. In fact, some things that have been festering for the past two years are now beginning to get worse. Isn't that how it goes sometimes? What if things need to get worse, even much worse, before they get any better? I don't know.

I am here. I am sober. It is a good start. Getting close to four years now!

Lisa L'Heureux

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