#59 Thirsty Thursday

I didn't want to get up today. This is a usual occurrence about this time of the year for me. It's a low. I have about three in a year; based on my past two sober years and relevant proof from every year before that. Before I understood these lows, I found it difficult to cope with them but now I see what it is.  In the past, I often took up heavily drinking to get rid of the intense sadness that generally accompanies a low time. That was the worst thing I could have done. I understand this now. I did not know before.

Instead of crying the blues all the livelong day, I make myself get up and do things that are good for me. I take especially nice care of myself. I eat healthy food, exercise, and help someone else. The blues did not look like this in the past. Rather, my life cycled through despair to catastrophe for as long as I can remember. Mostly based on events and part based on the sadness and grief caused by real-life events. It's funny because those turn out to mean the same thing.

It's weird because now that I'm sober, I cannot call these lows the same deep depression I knew before and even though I can track them and watch out for them, they do not go away.

I don't worry about it.
It will pass.
It always does.

Thank you for reading.